Restoring Relationships
When is it time to walk away? What does Jesus say about mending broken relationships?
Tom Anderson
9/1/20262 min read
I was working on a portrait drawing last week. After several hours working on it, I realised the proportions were wrong. So even though I had invested a lot into the drawing, I decided I had to abandon it.
When I started again, I was much more deliberate in getting the foundations right early. It wasn’t perfect right away, but this time I was able to erase mistakes and keep working at it.
This decision about whether to persist or not is one we face in our relationships. No relationship works out first time and all relationships take work, but how do we know if a relationship is beyond repair?
Jesus tells us any relationship between two Christians is worth our effort to maintain and mend. But how do we rebuild a relationship that feels irreparable? Jesus offers us practical steps in Matthew 18:15-20,
“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offence. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.
If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector. I tell you the truth, whatever you forbid on earth will be forbidden in heaven, and whatever you permit on earth will be permitted in heaven.
I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.”
The key here is the opening phrase, “If another believer…” Jesus is asking us to make the, often uncomfortable, effort to reconcile with anyone we feel distant from in our Christian family. Reading Jesus’s words carefully, we see that for Him, it is absolutely necessary to maintain unity with each other.
Sin separates us from God and each other. But no sin is irredeemable because Jesus has died for them all. He died to repair the fracture in our unity with God and one another.
Just as my portrait with incorrect proportions couldn’t be fixed, sometimes there will be relationships with people who don’t know Jesus yet that we have to leave in God’s hands. When two people have the shared foundation of a relationship with Jesus however, Jesus calls us to keep on forgiving, to continue reaching out, and to persevere in seeking ways to overcome offence.
Who do you feel distant from? Which step in the process is next in trying to restore the relationship?
This is hard. Sometimes it feels impossible! But we remember much of what Jesus asks is impossible on our own. That’s why we need Him.
He goes with us as we begin the path towards restoration. His love for us is our motivation and what makes healing possible.
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